ERIKA: ON SURROGACY & HER CESAREAN BIRTH EXPERIENCE
In the last few months, I’ve had the unique opportunity to get to know Erika of The Maternal Sidekick while also benefitting immensely from her role as my business mentor/coach. She and I do much of the same work, only she’s in Canada and I’m here in the states. Today you get the first part of her story about surrogacy and her cesarean delivery.
I love all things birth. After my own three home births, I thought while my mind is done with having my own children, my body was still ready to party in the childbearing arena. I decided to become a surrogate. A great way to enjoy birth but the ability to pass the baby back to their parent(s). My first surrogate journey was bearable enough that I thought “ya, let’s do that again”
My second surrogacy journey would prove to be an anomaly though.
First transfer took, that wasn’t the issue…….
If was the start of COVID that kicked things off……isolation and IVF medication first trimester do not bode well for prenatal depression. Those 12 weeks were a type of fiery place I do not wish on anyone. Even though the Bio parents were close to me, I couldn’t see them and build a relationship with them the way I had thought and I was sad that they missed out on the appointments due to reduced EVERYTHING!!!!!!
When the first trimester ended, I thought thank goodness, some reprieve and I can enjoy the second trimester like the pregnant goddess that I am……HAHAHAHHAAHAHHA WRONG……only a few days into the 12th week, I bled and ALOT……I truly thought I was having a miscarriage, and because I was so early, there wasn’t anything medically that could be done right away to “save” the pregnancy. I had to wait until the next day via an ultrasound to find out if I had a viable pregnancy. Turns out that little nugget was still going strong. What I was experiencing was a subchorionic hematoma that was hemorrhaging.
For several weeks I would experience period-like bleeding and had the hardest time coming to terms with a growing pregnancy and the constant bleeding. Also carrying a baby for someone else and experiencing this was a mind warp. I felt guilty that someone else’s baby wasn’t having the perfect pregnancy. My uterus wasn’t being the best hostess with the hostess.
I did have a few weeks of no bleeding and I thought “Yessssss, ok we got this little bean…..let’s take this to the end”
Turns out baby had other plans……the bleeding picked up again and at 24 weeks and 2 days, my body decided to go into VERY EARLY LABOUR. (I’m Canadian so deal with the spelling ;) )
Ok, so it’s time to go to the hospital, and let me tell you, getting admitted into the Labour and Delivery Ward and them telling me that an emergency c-section was imminent was scary. You see 4 vaginal births with not even a hint of a c-section, which twisted my perception of birth. I WAS TERRIFIED OF HAVING AN SPINAL AND ABDOMINAL SURGERY TO HAVE A BABY COME SO EARLY INTO THIS WORLD. I remember calling my family that night and thinking, what if that was my last time talking to my kids and husband. I was scared!
Thankfully the contractions turned down the volume for a little bit and was told by the doctors that I would be having an undetermined amount of time stay at the hospital. UMMMMMM WHAT? I have kids and a working husband at home, how is he supposed to run the household when I’m gone?
I was pumped up with the meds to strengthen the baby’s lungs and I was constantly monitored to make sure I wasn’t going back into labour. The head neonatal specialist and the bio parents rushed to the hospital that night to have the talk about if the medical team does everything in their power to keep the baby alive or does the team provide comfort measures and let the baby go as it pleases……WOW, being in the bed and watching this conversation unfold in front of me was wild…..Y’all surrogacy is wild……
Bio parents decided to fight for this baby’s life and Baby decided to reward them by staying inside me for another 4 days……..We are now sitting at 24 weeks and 6 days and it’s early morning and oh no…….those feel like mild contractions….
One, Two, three doctors checking me out, yup I am dilating and its time to prepare for a c-section…..ummm excuse meeeeee? I was told a few days earlier because of how early I was, I was able to choose between a c-section and vaginal, remember c-section really did scare me so I thought I could do a vaginal birth. He was going to be tiny anyway so why not let my body continue to do its thing?
NOPE……Ok the team rushes all around me, sign this form, take this liquid, ok this is how this surgery goes down, ok put this gown on, ok we are rolling you to the operating room now…..all the while I am so scared and there was so much fear. This was happening. My body and baby were working against my mind. It was go time….Oh please don’t let anything go wrong….
Rolling down to the operating room was a trip, I’m being rolled down the hall with all of the nurses looking at me, I felt exposed.
Now it’s showtime
